Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
