last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
