I didn't shave. On purpose
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
