I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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