i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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