I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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