I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
