the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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