There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
