I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
