I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
