in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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