Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
