Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
