Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
