Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
