dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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