she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
