I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
