so that wasnt chicken after all
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
