ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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