we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
