I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
