4 words: hood of his car
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
