I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize