Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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