I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
