Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
