I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
