you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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