Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
