and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
