I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
