I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
