Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
