HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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