I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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