she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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