I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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