Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
