maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
