FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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