best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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