oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
