I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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