yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize