every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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