The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
