I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
