Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
