p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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