this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
